Sometimes questions are more important than answers ~ Nancy Willard

With a house full of giggly girls we have some pretty colorful conversations. And being a former teacher librarian I am pretty used to fielding questions. But lately I have been baffled by a few things I have had to explain to one girl or another or heard as a response to something I asked them. So I have been keeping a list and decided to turn it into a post of girly wonders.

I asked G2 the other day why it was so hard to flush the toilet after she went to the bathroom. As I am constantly finding it unfleshed when I find time to go. Her response was so that of little girl born in an automatic society. She said "the toilets at school flush automatically, so I am not used to it at home." And she was so dead serious as if that explained everything. Never mind the 15+ hours she is home at night, the 48+ hours on the weekend and the 2 1/2 months we just spent at home for the summer! Those 8 hours at school where she probably goes to the bathroom no more then 3 times a day make her forget! But to her that made perfect sense. (For $900 you can get a no touch Kohler toilet in your home - guess I better have the girls start saving their pennies!)

Just after school started G2 came home and informed me she now knew the F word (which was bound to happen because she had already told me the a and s word before) So I calmly asked her where she had heard it and without missing a beat she launched into letting me know a boy got on the bus that afternoon and as he was putting his window down he yelled "it's f#*%ing hot out!" While trying to keep a straight face, I let her know while it was rather hot that day, she should not be using that word as she was describing the heat that had so pleasantly hit Iowa just as school started. The even better part of this is when I told my husband the story that night his comments were what do you expect to happen on the bus, at least she could repeat it in the right context, and it was more than f#*%ing hot out today so it was at least a true statement. I guess riding the bus in the country with all ages of kids and riding the bus across town with only kids your age is a very different experience.

My husband would tell you that the girls and I watch entirely too much TV and G1 probably does, but despite what he may think we do spend time doing other things as well even if G1 is at times glued to the TV, but that would be a different post entirely! (Yet another difference b/w growing up in town and growing up in the country.) But I grew up watching soap operas with my mom and begging to stay up and watch the newest episode of Star Trek on Sunday nights with my dad. It was just one way we spent time together doing and then had another common thing to talk about during down time. So I guess that is something I started to do with my kids too. G1 and I enjoyed many episodes of Sesame Street when she was young and more often then not you can find the Disney channel on in our house. But the TV is not usually a babysitter in our house. We always talk about what we learned or what was happening on the show  (it has actually a good connection for some kiddos at school when I teach reading strategies - it gives us a common ground to meet on before we dive into reading an article/story I hope they are interested in but may fall flat with some.) Anyway there are some times I do get control of the remote and watch shows I enjoy and the girls sometimes wander in and out or sit on my lap and watch with me. I do not censor what they watch, but would rather be there to explain to them what is going on. (Which is sometimes lost in their childhood minds) But even occasionally I am caught by surprise at what they see and understand. One night I was catching up on General Hospital just before bedtime and G2 very honestly asked me why the two men were kissing? (Which was actually an innocent question for a six year old growing up in a small rural town so I hope this does not offend anyone) But rather it lead to a good talk about how we love who we love and we should not be afraid to share that love because of what others might not understand. I am not sure at the age of six she truly understands, but it gave us a starting point for when she does understand. 

Since my husbands job is dependent on the life cycle of the dairy cow there are many questions that center around birth and death on our farm. Why do we have only one boy cow? If you don't milk the bull why do we keep him? Why is that bull trying to ride that cow? Why is a steer different then a bull? Why are you flipping that calf over and putting a rubber band on it? How do you know when a cow is going to have a calf? How do the calves get out of the mommy cows? Why do you have those long rubber gloves on? You are going to stick your arm where? Why do you have to use a rope and chain to pull the calf out of the mommy? What is that other liquid coming out with the calf? What is that reddish/creamish pile of yucky thing on the ground where the calf was born? Why don't the mommy cows stay with the calves? Why is that cow not getting up after it did the splits in the holding pen? Why is that cow just laying in the yard? Why is their a trail of blood from where that cow was laying to the now dead cow waiting for the rendering truck? The calf I named Domino is not moving in his hut, what happened? Why did the vet come and cut that dead calf open in the belly? Where do the steers go after they get on the semi? All of which lead to a pretty honest conversation that I hope they will be able to make the connection to as they grow and learn about the life cycle of humans. (But sometimes that connection does not always come and questions from teenagers can still amaze you as I will never forget the reaction of a student at school as teacher I was working with tried to explain to him where all the babies in Africa come from when he asked why the population was growing so rapidly there!)  

Oh and I almost forgot - after hearing Dierks Bentley's 'Drunk on a Plane' 453,127 times on the radio G2 stopped to look at me wanting to know what this 'drunk' word - she had been shouting out so many times she belted out the song - was and why was this guy getting that way on a plane? I try to be up front with questions, so I gave her the high school health answer about how the alcohol changes your brain and makes you feel and act different if you drink too much at one time and it can be dangerous to your body if you do that too often or drive a car after you have been drinking. And of course at age 6 she think that sounds like a bad idea - so I hope that thinking continues when she is 16! 

The 'tail' end - What is the most surprising thing you have been asked by your child? 

These pink farm boots aren't made for wearing

About a month ago we were shopping at 'The Popcorn Store' (aka Thiesens) and our oldest G told us she needed a new pair of farm boots so we browsed the shoe aisle and came across a pair of pink ones that light up when you walk. She was sure they were perfect and would make her want to come outside more to help with chores. (As of today she has wore them twice to bring her youngest sister outside to find us.)

You see our oldest G probably has the least amount of farm girl in her and would actually prefer to live in town. We often tease her and call her Marcia because she acts a lot like my husband's middle sister when she was growing up on the farm. She is very much a girly girl who prefers to wear dresses and be inside watching TV or pretending to be a teacher, chef, mom, hairstylist, or whatever pops in her mind that day. Which sort of reminds me a lot of myself as a little girl. (When I was eight I organized and hosted a wedding and reception for my five year old brother and the neighbor girl.) 

When I was deep inside the darkness of myself during the worst of my postpartum depression I believed this was all my fault. I always knew the farm was important to my husband and there are times it feels like the farm comes before everything else in life - which at certain times in the year is probably true. Even though I love that my kids will have a chance to grow up in the country and learn from the hard work of their daddy there are times when I wish there was a little more time for family togetherness outside of the milking parlor or cab of a tractor. So when the oldest G was born I made it pretty clear she would make the choice on what she wanted to do about her time on the farm. My husband was not a full time farmer when she was born so going to the farm when she was little was an adventure that we went home after.  We also did not live on the home farm at first when he did take over so she did not have as much time lounging in the stroller (covered in flies) as the younger two G's. So in my irrational mind it was all my fault she does not spend as much time outside helping as the other two.

I now understand that she is her own person and it would really be boring in this world if we were all the same. I will continue to encourage her to put on those pink light up boots and come out to help us, but it really needs to be her own decision as she grows up and learns more about herself. There are times when it is not a discussion because she needs to help so we can go somewhere when we are done or just because she needs to get outside the four walls of the house and the glow of the TV screen. And isn't that what parenting should be about? Guiding our kids to make the best decisions for them.

 

The 'tail' end - What are some things you do to guide your children to the best decisions for them? 

Are we changing our children with technology?

Anyone who knows me knows I love technology and I am always looking for ways to use it in my everyday life and in teaching.

I have an app (Anylist) on my phone for my shopping list or I would walk out of the store without the one thing I came for. I take care of my banking (I only write checks to my babysitter and the hospital) and budgeting online. I take all my pictures on a digital camera or with my phone or tablet and do most of my scrapping on sites like Snapfish, Picaboo, Smilebox, and apps like PicCollage of InstaMessage. I can carry my music collection in my pocket on my iPod or connect to my radio in my car with a cord and not worry about changing the CD. TV and movies can be watched anytime or anywhere on tablets or laptops. And since I am no longer in a library everyday most of my reading is borrowed via wireless without stepping foot in a library. I can constantly connect and respond instantly (which I often do before I forget what you asked b/c I am on to my next task)  with old or new friends via Facebook, Google+, FaceTime, email, or text. I even keep virtual post it notes via reminders on my iPhone or iPad so I don't forget to do something. I very rarely write things on paper anymore because it is faster to put a quick note on Evernote so I can access it wherever I have an Internet connection. I even keep my calendar and lesson plans online so I can put in notes and know where I need to be when I need to be there. I have been trying to convince my husband to keep track of his calves and dairy herd online so he doesn't have to scrape manure off his notebook. I can find my news instantly and interact with it via social media and Web 2.0. I am even an author as I write this blog and another about education and follow many more to get ideas and advice. I can spend hours scouring Pinterest for ideas on crafts and recipes. I can sell my creations on Etsy and have a virtual yard sale anytime on eBay. I am sure there is something I haven't thought of or will learn about tomorrow I want to try. Technology is everywhere and if we don't embrace it we may be left behind. 

But I have seen some posts on Facebook and other blogs about how children today are different because of all these changes and it made me think. My two year old is already learning, playing games, and finding music or pictures on our tablets. I feel lucky they will get to have better experiences due to changes in technology, but I have to agree they are changing and missing out on some things because of all this technology. 

The biggest thing is patience. Everything is instant. They will never have to wait all night for the DJ to play their favorite song on the radio only to have him talk over the beginning when they push record so they can play back in their tape player when they want to hear it again. They will never learn to be kind and rewind when they return a video to the store. They no longer have to cruise up and down Main Street all night to find their friends. They will not wait for their sister or even a neighbor to get off the phone so they can place a call. They will never flip through the card catalog to find the title, author, or subject card to send them in the direction of a book they need. They won't wait six weeks for a toy to come in the mail they sent in for via an offer on a cereal box. They won't spend time searching the couch cushions for change to go to the neighborhood Ma and Pop store to get a glass bottle of Pepsi to enjoy on a hot day. Pictures are even instant. No more taking them to the store to develop and waiting a week only to find out you head was cut off or the best one was blurry. Even shaking a Polaroid to see the picture appear takes too long. 

Imagination is also dwindling. Boxes don't become houses, cars, and the sheriff's jail. Two cans don't get strung together or a blinking flashlight code is not made to get messages to their neighbor. They can't leave the house on their bike after breakfast and explore in the woods until the street lights come on and it's time for dinner. They won't sit around a 9" black and white TV in your grandma's kitchen with your cousins and guess the color of the dresses of the ladies in the Miss America pageant. The week will probably not be spent on their grandparents family farm learning to plant gardens or flowers and create things in the wood shop. Even in my own van and on my last field trip all I can see in the early morning light is the blue/green glow of electronics to occupy out times instead of seeing what is going on around us. 

Kids are too busy and forget about being kids. Sitting around the table all together for supper after the farm chores are done is almost a thing of the past. In order to be competitive and win you must play school and club sports. And if you don't win you can be so hard on yourself because of what others must think of you. A friendly neighborhood game of kickball in the empty lot on a dead end street where the only prize is a slap on the back and some skinned knees to brag about does not happen anymore. What happened to learning fundamentals and having fun as you are playing? And to be well rounded you must also find time for drama, speech, musical, volunteer and academic activities as well. I am not saying these activities are not a good thing as I have said before I learned just as much from my extracurricular activities then some of my classes at school, but it did ultimately take away from time for me and with my family. With all of the technology we have it sometimes seems we are too separated by our devices as we spend more time on them then in a conversation. I personally find it sad that my girls will probably never receive a hand written love (or rejection) letter as they grow up. 

Now don't get me wrong, I am not ready to become unwired or give up all my technology. As I started this entry with some of those things really make my life better and easier and in some cases technology advances are really saving lives. I just wish that attitudes and behaviors did not change with the technology as well. I do wish there was a way to have a better balance of both. 

It was sort of fitting that I started my day with this video by Miranda Lambert from her new song Automatic. My husband was telling me about it the other day as it sounded just like what I was talking about when I was sad to hear that due to budget cuts the librarian at my daughters school will only be available one day a week, because (in not these exact words) technology will be replacing the need for a librarian in the minds of the decisions makers in the district. 

The 'tail' end - what do you wish was still around from your past and how did it teach you to be a better person? 

Girls just want to have fun

I have seen a few blog posts by moms about having all children of the same sex and being the mommy if three beautiful little girls I thought I would chime in.

We have not found out the sex of my children before they were born. I feel there are not many things in life that are a surprise so why ruin it. And this is coming from a girl who once carefully unwrapped and wrapped back up her Christmas presents because she couldn't take the suspense. Plus it gives me something to think about during labor other than the pain. We only had a girls name picked out for our oldest daughter because I really wanted to name her after my great grandma Grace. I was pretty excited when she was born and I heard my friend Mandie say 'yes' because she was right that she had guessed she was a girl. With our second daughter we only had a boys name picked out. I was so huge when I had her I was sure she was a big baby boy like her daddy (he was 11 lbs. when he was born.) I was surprised to hear she was an almost 10 lbs girl and we had to go back to the drawing board for a name. I was kind of excited though because I only have a brother and always thought it would be fun to have a sister, so now my girls had each other for that. When we decided to have our third child I am sure my husband hoped everyday for a boy in this crazy house of estrogen. I wanted him to have that little boy to follow him around and hopefully someday take over the farm, but in the back of mind I thought another girl would be nice. We already had all the clothes and I was used to the giggles and girls in the house, what was I going to do with a boy? In the excitement she gave us when she was born by surprise in the bathroom of the hospital room that I was more worried about how the nurse caught her before she splashed into the world in the toilet then if she was a boy or a girl. It was probably really the next morning (as I was pretty tired from the sleeping pill I had taken to get some rest before my epidural) before I truly realized we had another girl. Even after my extreme bout with post partum depression, I would not trade her for anything as just like all my girls she can make me smile when times are hard.

Do I wonder about having a boy to follow my husband around the farm and learn all about dairy farming, of course... My grandma had three girls and then my dad and I tend to share other things about me with her and that really makes me wonder if we should try just one more time. I already have the perfect name picked out and I always wanted to have a big family. But do I wonder about having another baby and going through postpartum depression again, absolutely... Should I let that fear stop me? I am still not sure, so stay tuned.

The 'tail' end - comment below with what you like about your family dynamic - all girls - all boys - a mix of both.

Farm Living is the Life for Me (Green Acres Theme Song)

 As the crops begin to be harvested and the fields fill up with heavy equipment I want to take a minute to share about the husband who is truly my rock, puts up with everything about me, and works harder then anyone I know (even if I do tell him often he does works too much)

I have to admit that I grew up in town and loved every minute of it. I suppose it helped that my house was less then a block away from the swimming pool, there were four of us the same age, my backyard neighbors had a playhouse, and we had an empty lot on a dead end street that became a regular place for softball and kick the can games. It created some of the best memories and friendships of my life.

But know that I am raising my own family, I have to say growing up on a farm is pretty amazing for my kids. I may sometimes complain to my husband about his long hours, how he always has something to do, and grumble a little about feeding calves in the dark in the morning and evening this time of year, but when I stop to think about it my kids are gaining so much.

Because I have always been a fan of the Top 10 List, but I also like odd numbers (my wedding started at 3:08) here are 11 reasons why it's a benefit for my kids to grow up on a farm.

1. Going on a kitty hunt
I recently had the joy of following my girls around the barn in search of two small kittens that had found a home behind the milking parlor. We pointed and coaxed patiently for them to come see us.
It produced a lot of giggles and stories about why the kitties were hiding from us.

2. Exploring the hay mountain (as my 5 year old calls it)
Bailing hay and straw are probably among the jobs I look least forward to on the farm, (I am kind of a wimp) but my daughters thinking filling up the hay mountain is an amazing experience. They especially love climbing the bails and exploring all around.

3. Feeding a baby calf
I may get frustrated the first time, when it hasn't quite got the hang of drinking from a bottle yet, but after that it is a pretty rewarding job.. It gets even more interesting when the bottle is finished but the calf is still hungry and begins to suck on your fingers!

4. Driving the 4wheeler or combine in the field
I have never heard so much excitement come from my daughters stories as from those about driving the farm equipment with their dad. Their faces light up as they explain every detail about pushing the throttle or steering the wheel.

5. Rides on tractors
My oldest daughter has been riding since she was four months old, my middle daughter will follow her dad around waiting for a ride, and my youngest daughter knows when it's time to go stand by the tractor to get her ride. There must be a great view from the seat of daddy's knee.

6. A red heeler as part of the family 
She may mistake you for a cow every now and then by nipping at your heels, but you will not find anyone tougher or more protective yet still fun and loveable. She loves her belly rubbed and wants in on the game of catch.

7. A journey down the lane
The best time to watch this is when my girls come home from school. You can hear them chatter about their day or what they plan to do with the rest of it. It is also a bike trail/raceway or a journey to the mailbox.

8. The snow drifts
I am sure these are my husbands least favorite, but it still warms my heart to bundle up with the girls and explore the drifts or use them as a sledding hill. A cup of hot cocoa and giggles is a great way to warm up after.

9. Wide open spaces to explore and imagine
The other day I found my two oldest girls inside the boat we store for my nephew 'fishing' off the side and 'floating' down the river. We also have enjoyed voyages around the hay field to games of eye spy as we explore.

10. Observe the life cycle in action
My girls have set glued to the gate watching their daddy pull a calf and traveled on the skid loader to help bury a calf who was not strong enough to make it. And every summer we attempt a garden with different vegetables we want to see grow from seeds to plants. I also remember a friend who grew up on a farm telling me how her and her brother used to pull up a five gallon bucket to sit on and bet on if the piglets would be boys or girls!

11. See how hard work accomplishes many things 
Even though my husband and I sometimes argue about this.  I believe kids should enjoy being kids and he has been helping on the farm since he could walk. But our kids do help with chores and see how hard their daddy works everyday to make the farm work and continue the work his mom and dad started.


The 'tail' end - Share some special things about where you raise your kids! 

Below is the Dodge commercial that makes me so proud my husband is a farmer - 

Always kiss your children good night, even if they are already asleep (H Jackson Brown Jr)

 Every night since my oldest daughter was old enough for a toddler bed we have read a book before bed. I still remember my mom and dad reading to me before bed (my dad says it was a lot easier before I realized he sometimes skipped some words because I was tired!) and I wanted to keep that tradition going. So we always start the bedtime routine with a book (or two depending on how early we start bedtime)

Along the way we started the hug, secret, kiss to the routine. And let me tell you I hear some good secrets (I will always love you, I can't wait to..., Today so and so did this, I want to ride on the merry go round, and many more) I wish I would have started writing them down when we started this because some of them have made me laugh and I would love to go back someday and see what they thought was so important to tell me before bed. From now on I think I might make a quick note of it and share each week so we can look back when they are older. I also hope this tradition continues until they are too old to have me tuck them in at night. I always want to be able to keep their secrets close to me.

The 'tail' end -  Share some of you have fun bed time rituals