As the day ends I realized it is the end of 2013 (where did the year go?) I began to think about how far I have come this year. I started out the year still in sort of a funk and am ending the year better then I have felt in almost two years.
Even though I would never wish post partum depression on anyone and I hope it's evil face never shows it face to me again, but as I started to think today, I think it has made me a better person. As I rushed around the kitchen today making a homemade lunch of hash brown casserole (recipe via Pinterest!), finishing up my husband's jello cake (reminder recipe via Pinteret) for his birthday, and trying (but failing) to make a homemade whipped topping (found via Google search - pinned to Pinterest) I wondered where this person had come from?
I have always been creative (I sort of took off when I learned to make bubble letters at summer day camp sponsored by the Parks & Rec when I was in elemntary school.) and I continue to enjoy seeing a finished project ready to be displayed or given as a gift. But the kitchen is not normally my comfort zone. (My husband will tell you he is deprived of sweets because I don't always have a pan on the counter like his mom did growing up.) I normally hate all the dishes cooking and baking make. So this person sliding around the kitchen was not really me.
Then I had what I always loved to see from my students and I called the 'ah ha' moment. The moment when the last puzzle piece fits, the ribbon is tied on the present, the color fills the page, the moment it all makes sense
So is it possible that PPD has made me a better person? Even as hard as the road has been, I think I have come out on the other side better. I now really appreciate what I have, because at some points over the last two years I felt like my family would have been better off without me and thought about doing something to make myself disappear. So I am truly grateful for everyday I am able to hug my girls and husband because it could have ended very differently.
I may never understand why I felt so sad during such a happy occasion in my life, but I can learn from it and try to make the most of what I have today. So as 2013 comes to an end and I look forward to the opportunities of 2014, I can only hope I will continue to learn and grow as I try to navigate the twists and turns of life.
The 'tail' end - comment below with any of your reflections or ah ha moments from 2013.
A year end shot of the whole family (even Saige & Tessa the new dolls) with Mark's Farmall ice cream cake!
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